Posts Tagged ‘Cooking the Books’

[April 1, 2013 Special Edition]  Corporate leaders from across the country today gathered on Wall Street for the first ever display of business support for honest financial statements.

Ruta Crumwell led off with an emotional call for death to all who betray the public trust.

CFOs then marched en masse to a traders pit, sawed off their pinocchio length noses, and lit a bonfire visible at the SEC.

Richard Foldover, beloved leader of defunct Lehman Sisters and the featured speaker at the event, then spoke at length on the evil of Repo 105.

The evening ended with auditors wiping up with clean audit opinions.

Debit and credit – – David Albrecht

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Lost sight of in the SEC push to adopt IFRS is the primary reason for adopting it.  In “IFRS Is for Criminals,” Ed Ketz and Anthony Catanach of Grumpy Old Accountants remind us.

In their essay, the grumpies let it all hang out:


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Today is one of those days.  Today is an accountant’s birthday.  Mine.

The most important task of the day is to replace the battery in my calculators.  I’m an old accounting professor, so not all need batteries:

Like any good accountant, I look in the files to see what I did last year.  Two things:  changed batteries in my calculators and went in for a check up.

With a confident step, I walked into the doctor’s office.  “Hey Doc, do my assets still exceed my liabilities?”

After a quick glance and with a hint of condescension, “No.  You’re too old.”

“No analytic testing?  No work papers?  I want a second opinion.”

“You’re ugly, too.”

When paying my bill, the office manager said, “The Doctor wants me to stress that you shouldn’t use candles on your birthday cake.  This is what happened when another boomer accountant tried it.”

Too many candles

Is it written in the accountant’s handbook that one must always add another year when having a birthday?  This year, I decided to subtract from my previous age instead of adding.  Coincidentally, I have less grey in my hair and a bit less flab around my middle.

Unfortunately, this turned me into a bad accountant.  Sam Antar would call it birthday fraud.  It leads directly to off-balance sheet financing and cooking the books.

Not wanting to get the following card for next year’s birthday,

Accountant juggling numbers.

I quickly started admitting to my correct age.  But I’m not going to tell you what it is.

Debit and credit – – David Albrecht

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