Last year, I needed to energize a class that was letting its tiredness show. So I tried to pique everyone’s attention by saying, “Accounting can be sexy!” Students started looking around, not quite sure what to make of me and my comment. I said, “That’s right. We’re going to do some sexy accounting!“ My hips started swaying as I danced to some unheard music. That brought a bit of laughter.
What was I thinking? I had no idea if I could deliver. So I sent an e-mail to the other accounting professors at AECM, and a couple responses theorized on the characteristics of a sexy accountant.
Mortified, I hadn’t even thought of that. I never think of such things because I’m an old (enough to know better), short (stop was my position in baseball), balding (don’t need many teeth in my comb), overweight (sugar is consistent with a veggie diet) guy. I am to sexy as actress Scarlet Johansen is to ugly without curves. In the entire history of RateMyProfessor, no one has ever rated me a red hot pepper.
Since the other professors were no help, I went to Google. Did you know searching on sexy accounting produces quite different results from searching on sexy accountant? It’s a good thing my results run through a modesty filter. Trust me, you don’t want to do an unfiltered search on sexy accountants.
After visiting a few dozen web sites describing sexy accounting, I’ve concluded that fraud auditing and forensic accounting are indeed sexy. The work is exciting and never dull Who knew? Sexy + accounting is a natural coupling.
Fraud auditing, also called investigative auditing, is “often associated with investigations of criminal matters. A typical investigative accounting assignment would be an investigation of employee theft. Other examples include securities fraud, insurance fraud, kickbacks and proceeds of crime investigations.” (according to forensicaccounting.com)
Fraud auditing does not necessarily lead to a courtroom. Sometimes companies simply need to find out what is going on. Results may or may not be turned over to police or lead to lawsuits. When fraud auditing is combined with legal proceedings, it becomes forensic accounting, which (according to forensicaccounting.com) “provides an accounting analysis that is suitable to the court which will form the basis for discussion, debate and ultimately dispute resolution. Forensic Accounting encompasses both Litigation Support and Investigative Accounting.”
Sexy accountants? Katherine Heigl putting together a balance sheet? Brad Pitt auditing accounts receivable? I don’t think so. We’re talking about forensic accountants in the courtroom. Wouldn’t it be nice if Boston Legal was about forensic accounting?
Hollywood hasn’t cast anyone in the role of a sexy accountant. Such hunks as Don Knotts (How to Frame a Figg), Joe Pesci (Lethal Weapon 2) and Charles Grodin (Midnight Run and Dave) have been cast in roles portraying a not-so-sexy accountant. Is anyone surprised? I must admit, though, the Figg character ended up with the pretty girls.
In truth, I know one sexy accountant–Bob Jensen. Using a new search engine, Cuill (pronounced cool), I searched on “Bob Jensen Trinity”. The image to the right is returned. No longer young in body, Bob never-the-less is in great shape. Being a professor for forty years seems to have kept him young. Retired, he now lives in the mountains of New Hampshire. Unfortunately, he looks nothing like the image at the right, and he never has! Cuill is cruel.
Over and out – - David Albrecht
[Continued in "No Santa, Tooth Fairy or Sexy Accounting"]